Confession #3: Sometimes I lie to the customers. I'll tell the most outrageous lies in order to dissuade someone from buying a puppy if I think, usually based on something they have said to me ("I don't care if he plays rough, I want to make him mean!"), that they do not deserve one of my dogs. Oh, yeah. I will not hesitate to make up a laundry list of scary sounding health issues for a perfectly healthy puppy to scare someone away. I can make a grade I heart murmur sound as if the dog might drop dead from it tomorrow.

Things customers have said to me that led me to lie and make up heinous illnesses in order to save my babies:

"I don't really want another dog, but I want to breed my female and I don't want to keep paying stud fees or giving up puppies."

Well in that case, I feel that you really ought to know. . . This dog has undescended testicles and will need to be neutered.

"I just had to get rid of my dog recently because she wouldn't stop having puppies. So I have to get another one. I can't wait to take her home, she's great!"

Just so you know, the vet says she'll have to have surgery for luxating patellas. Both legs. Probably be about two thousand dollars each. No, we don't cover that. Sorry.

"I just can't do the puppy thing. They pee all over the house and I hate it so I get rid of them. I've tried it three times already and it just doesn't work out for me. But my daughter really wants another one, so. . ."

So I feel obligated to tell you that this puppy has a severe inguinal hernia. That one? That one has bad hips.

It always works. Always. People aren't expecting us to be honest and up front about any potential or pre-existing problem (we are), let alone for us to lie and make one up. But I will. If I think it's in the dog's best interest that they do not go home with someone, you bet. Absolutely. Without remorse.

Earlier in the month, one of my co-workers became infuriated when a woman asked her "how to breed dogs" and then informed her that she wanted to start breeding dogs because she didn't want to get a job.

She was just in again today, asked to see a puppy, and when my co-worker tried to hand the puppy to her, she threw up her hands, backed away and said, "Ew, I don't want to touch it. I don't touch dogs, I don't do dogs." And then proceeded to ask Sarah about breeding them again.

I saw her this time, I know what she looks like, and she's filed away under the "DO NOT SELL TO" section of my brain. Next time she's in here I'm going to lie to her and make it a point to tell her that all our puppies are spayed and neutered before they leave our store.

Does it mean these people won't get a dog? No, of course not. If they're determined, they will get a dog. But it won't be one of mine.